We all need approval sometimes—it’s a natural part of healthy life and growth. We need our boss to approve our work so we can earn a living, our teachers to pass us so we can graduate, our clients to value our efforts, and our parents to be proud of us. That kind of approval is about accountability and excellence—it helps us grow.

However, when the need for approval takes over—if you begin to silence yourself, overextend yourself, or feel anxious if someone isn't validating you—that’s when it becomes people-pleasing.

People-pleasing is a habit of putting others' comfort above one's own peace. It comes from the fear of rejection, abandonment, or disapproval—and it keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-doubt.

Letting go of people-pleasing doesn’t mean becoming selfish, uncaring, or dishonoring. It means living from your authentic self, guided by your purpose rather than the opinions of others—it's living your truth, where you are enough, just as you are.

People-pleasing diminishes you

You can't live your purpose if you’re twisting yourself inside out to make others happy.

Often, the very people you’re trying so hard to please are fickle or manipulative—aware that they can take advantage of your kindness to serve their own desires. And, unfortunately, many don’t care that deeply about you.

You must know WHO you are before you can BE who you are

You are here for a reason.

Imagine yourself on your deathbed, looking back over your life. Would you have regrets? Did you achieve the goals you hoped for? 

We are all like sheep, following some god—whether the true one or a counterfeit. When I was young, I majored in people-pleasing, trying to earn my mother’s approval. It wasn't until much later that I found out she was a narcissist. No matter how hard I tried, I could never win her approval. I spent years chasing after a kind word that would never come. In truth, she had become my counterfeit god.

I encourage you not to make the same mistake I did. There are now effective techniques for letting go of trauma and imprinted limiting beliefs that weren't available when I was younger. That’s why I do this work today—using a blend of epigenetic techniques, coaching, and therapies—to help others be free of people-pleasing and live a more authentic life.

Do you follow counterfeit gods?

They could be money, power, fame, sex, social media likes, youth, vanity, the latest trend, expert, or guru, or, like me, parents (we honor our parents, but they are not God).

Pablo Casals said that every child should know, "You are a miracle and not since the beginning of time until the end of the world, will there ever be another one like you." You may not be a child now, but you are no less of a miracle, and that child is still very much within you.

You are uniquely and wonderfully made. There is no one else like you. You are here for a reason. Call it a divine purpose, and it is your job to find what your unique talents are for.

Inner Healing

If you have tried and tried to change this habit with little results, you may need inner healing. You probably learned it as a child, and that was the only way you survived. The beliefs and habits you learned as a young person get imprinted in your subconscious, in your cells, and become ingrained, causing you to repeat those childhood patterns. If that is still happening now, and you have to skirt around other people's feelings and emotions because it is unsafe for you to be your whole self, I encourage you to get help.

You can change.

You can set up healthy boundaries.

You can live free to be your whole self without the fear of judgment.

Envy and Imposter Syndrome

Sometimes envy or comparison shows up if you believe others have something you don’t—when you feel “less than.” 

You might know this as Impostor Syndrome or the inner critic.

Whatever you call it—REMEMBER: that's not your true self. These labels can make you feel like you are the problem, but you’re not.

The real issue runs deeper—you may not yet fully know who you are, that's all. You don’t yet grasp your worth and value in God's eyes.

Through healing and inner work, you can discover that truth.

And know this: the enemy of truth waits to attack, especially when you’re at your lowest—whispering lies like “You’re not good enough,” “You don’t measure up,” “You don’t deserve good things.”

All lies.

Shaming and self-criticism will never lead you to freedom or truth. God’s voice is loving, steady, and encouraging—a caring parent who wants the very best for you and knows that kind of negative talk will never help you see the truth about who you are. There is always an answer. It might feel overwhelming at times, but don't despair—we need to struggle to soar. Just like the butterfly must struggle out of the cocoon to become its transformed self and to fly.

Boundaries & Journal Prompts

To stop people-pleasing, you’ll need to start by setting healthy boundaries. These journaling prompts will help you gain insight into where to begin.

Ask yourself and journal about:

• Where in my life am I saying 'yes' when I want to say 'no'?
• What do I most need to protect in myself right now?
• When have I felt deeply respected—and what boundary made that possible?
• What old belief about love or safety am I ready to let go of?
• Who would I become if I lived with boundaries rooted in self-worth?

To read more about boundaries, check out my blog, How to Flourish with Strong Boundaries and Healthy Life Balance

https://www.gailmae.com/blog/how-to-flourish-with-strong-boundaries-and-healthy-life-balance

 If you are looking to let go of old people-pleasing habits and need expert "letting go" support, please click the link below for a complimentary 20-minute consultation. I'd love to help you get free.