Healing from Shame: What I Learned by Writing the Truth About My Past

Shame thrives in silence and secrecy. It isolates you, convincing you that you’re alone in your flaws. But paradoxically, shame is universal—every human experiences it. The difference lies in whether it is carried in hiding and alone or brought into the light.

Shame is one of the deepest and most complex human emotions—it goes beyond guilt. Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am wrong.”

It often forms in childhood, especially in environments where love, safety, and acceptance were conditional. Instead of believing “my behavior was criticized,” a child concludes, “something is wrong with me.”

Over time, shame becomes an internalized voice that colors how you see yourself and others.

Can you relate to any of these issues below?

• Self-condemnation: Harsh inner dialogue, never feeling “enough.”

• Hiding: Avoiding vulnerability, authenticity, or intimacy for fear of rejection.

• People-pleasing: Trying to earn worth through others’ approval.

• Perfectionism: Attempting to outrun shame by never making mistakes.

• Body or soul disconnection: Feeling unworthy of pleasure, beauty, or joy.

Ways to heal from shame

• Awareness: Naming shame loosens its grip. Saying, “I’m feeling shame,” interrupts its power.

• Compassion: Meeting your wounded self with kindness rather than judgment.

• Safe Connection: Healing relationships, therapy, or spiritual community help dismantle shame’s lie that you’re unlovable.

• Truth: Replacing the false identity (“I am bad”) with a deeper truth: You are worthy, loved, and whole.

     

Confronting Shame Through Memoir

Writing my memoir has forced me to confront shame. Unlike an autobiography, a memoir requires me to return to my child-self, to feel how what I experienced affected me at the time, how it settled into my bones, and imprinted itself on my heart. At first, the process filled me with waves of grief, guilt, and shame. Yet with each painful memory I put into words from that in-the-moment feeling state, and shared with safe, trusted people, I gained more freedom from any false beliefs I absorbed as a child.

I needed extra support and tapped (EFT) with a trusted colleague, journaling frequently with God to find the bigger picture. In being witnessed without judgment by my writing coach—and validated for the challenges I endured—I felt safe to tell the truth of what happened rather than skirting around it. We sweep issues under the rug, file them away, plaster over them —we justify, rationalize, and tell ourselves we've healed.  We say it's in the past, that we've forgiven and moved on. Yet, our bodies and recurring patterns often tell a different story. Maybe it's the migraines, relationship struggles, fear of public speaking, or other challenges that reveal we are not yet entirely free.

We do this because addressing this pain seems too much to deal with and too overwhelming to handle on our own. We fear opening up a can of worms and being swallowed by old heartbreaks. But healing is possible—with the right tools to release trauma and with compassionate people who can help us navigate it safely.

How Shame Shapes Our Lives

I carried grief over my parents’ abuse, and guilt, because I had rejected my younger self—dissociating from her, striving to prove I wasn't that unwanted child. I sought my mother's approval through worldly success—sadly, a dead-end street. The shame from my father's sexual abuse was more challenging still. Tragically, children almost always believe they are to blame—that there is something inherently bad about them. I buried those feelings deep in my subconscious because I didn't know how to free myself, and no therapist I saw had the tools to help. So the pain stayed hidden and quietly shaped my life.

When I discovered epigenetic healing techniques, I realized not only that I could heal, but that I was called to help others do the same. I wanted to give them the respect and freedom I hadn’t received through traditional talk therapy. I wanted those who were stuck and suffering to know they are so much more than what happened to them—that they are here for a reason and deserve to live their dreams, free from the limiting beliefs born of trauma. 

And while not everyone has experienced abuse, too many have experienced shame. Shame grows wherever there is comparison, rejection, or disconnection—from family, peers, society, or even within ourselves.

Common Reasons People Feel Shame

• Being bullied or left out at school
• Feeling less loved or favored than a brother or sister
• Comparing yourself to others who seem smarter, prettier, or more successful
• Not fitting in socially or culturally
• Experiencing racism, prejudice, or exclusion because of race or ethnicity
• Struggling with body image or not meeting society’s beauty standards
• Living with illness, disability, or limitations
• Growing up in poverty, or feeling different because of family circumstances
• Feeling rejected for your gender identity or sexuality
• Carrying the weight of family conflict, divorce, or unmet expectations

Shame makes us dissociate from feelings that are too much to bear. It’s a survival mechanism: we push away the unbearable to keep going, but in doing so, we live fractured lives. True freedom begins by addressing shame in safe, compassionate spaces—where you’re not judged, not “fixed,” but accepted as you are.

It's Possible to Heal 

I could not have written these memories—revisiting the feelings of abuse from a young child’s perspective—without the support of an encouraging writing coach who champions me through the process, and an EFT colleague and coach who taps with me, reminding me that I am not alone and so much more than what happened to me.

With shame, the child feels very much alone. Even though we are adults, we still have our child self very much alive within us. 

Psychologist, Curt Thompson, M.D., author of The Soul of Shame, writes:

⏐ "To be known means that you allow your shame and guilt to be exposed—in order for them to be healed."

I would add—choose a safe place with people who will not judge you or betray your confidences. You don’t want to re-traumatize yourself and shut down again.

My daily conversation and journaling with a loving higher power reminds me I am unconditionally loved—and that faith, alongside compassionate human support, makes this work possible.

Healing from shame, grief, and guilt is possible—and you are worthy of that freedom.

An Invitation to Heal 

 If your heart longs to be free, I invite you to reach out.

What makes my approach different is that I integrate powerful, evidence-based tools—EFT, Matrix Reimprinting, Grief Recovery, and IFS—with deep compassion, faith, and lived experience. I know firsthand how heavy shame, guilt, and grief can feel, and I’ve witnessed the relief that comes from having someone safe walk beside you.

Together, we can gently untangle the layers of shame, grief, and guilt so you can rediscover your truth, your worth, and your freedom.

👉 Click the link below to book a complimentary 20-minute consultation.

To begin your journey, you’re welcome to download my complimentary e-workbook—a gentle guide with journaling prompts to help you start releasing shame. 

With love,