Healthy Communication During the Holidays: How to Speak with Respect and Set Boundaries

When families come together during the holidays, a lack of healthy communication can quickly lead to stress. Relationships can become painful and strained when we:

Lack self-awareness and don’t recognize how our words or tone may hurt others
Assume our way is the “right” way and dismiss other perspectives
Forget basic manners—politeness, kindness, and respect matter
Lose patience, especially in short, intense holiday gatherings
Fail to truly listen

You should not have to put up with brutish, cruel, belittling, or aggressive behavior. You can establish and maintain firm, healthy boundaries.

As human beings, we are bound to mess up—but we also have the opportunity to clean up our messes. Coming together as a family can stir old wounds that were never healed, and it’s easy for younger parts of us to be triggered by the past.

For some, forgiveness comes easily. For others, it doesn’t—especially when past hurts or trauma are involved.

This is why inner healing work matters.

Learn Effective Communication skills

Learning how to communicate well is one of the most valuable skills you can develop—especially with family during the holidays. I recently read The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More by Jefferson Fisher, and I appreciate how clearly he articulates the importance of calm, self-respect, and boundaries in communication.

His work echoes what I see again and again in healing work: when the nervous system is regulated, communication improves and becomes less reactive.

If you’d like to explore his resources, you can find them here:

https://www.jeffersonfisher.com/

Some of his insights that stand out:

“Calm is a superpower.”
“You don’t have to match someone else’s chaos.”
“Silence is sometimes the loudest answer.”
“You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.”
“Confidence doesn’t raise its voice.”
“Boundaries are not walls; they’re clarity.”

Here’s an example of how to communicate whether you are the one who caused the hurt or the recipient.

“Cynthia, I am so sorry I spoke harshly to you. It was inappropriate. I didn’t realize it was hurtful, and I apologize if I demeaned you. You deserve better; I hope you can forgive me.”

“John, I forgive you. At the same time, this behavior has been present for years, and it affects my willingness to spend time together. I expect you to seek support for this issue.”

Life is too short to harbor resentments and bitterness. Unfortunately, some people may never choose to undertake the emotional work necessary to effect change. That’s when you need to have firm boundaries.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), aka Tapping.

It is an effective technique for calming your emotions as it heals and transforms trauma. It is simple to do, and it can help you drop out of your head and into your body—a much better place to communicate from than your head.

You are more grounded and at peace.

We can get stuck in a hamster wheel of anger and self-righteousness or “he said, she said” conversations. Some people are so unaware of the impact of their behavior that they don’t recognize the harm they cause. If you are on the receiving end of that lack of awareness, you don’t need to react.

You can tap before you go to an event where you might feel triggered. I have added my EBook with tapping scripts to address a few issues that might arise before you go to a holiday event. It will help you feel less triggered, so you might see some miracles!

Click on the title below to access the EBook.