Internal Family Systems

Integrate the conflicting parts of ourselves

Internal Family Systems or IFS, as it is commonly called, is an extremely effective and gentle technique for healing and helping the different parts of ourselves feel integrated within us. These parts are very often working against each other in the mistaken belief that they are helping our system be safe. This can cause anxiety and stress.

IFS is a transformative, evidence-based therapy that helps people heal by accessing and loving their protective and wounded inner parts. The mind is naturally multiple and that is a good thing. Just like members of a family, inner parts are forced from their valuable states into extreme roles within us. We also all have a core Self.

Self is in everyone. It can’t be damaged. It knows how to heal.

By helping people first access their Self and, from that core, come to access self, IFS creates inner and outer connectedness.

You can read more about IFS here: Internal Family Sysytems - IFS

What may be a simple way to describe IFS is to use myself as an example.

In my twenties, I was performing on Broadway. Parts of me loved the limelight — the applause, the attention, sharing my joy of dance. Yet other parts carried fear, shame, and grief, and wanted to hide.

I didn’t understand it then, but I was struggling emotionally to accept my own success. There were parts of me that felt guilty and undeserving, and that inner conflict created stress and anxiety.

Parts were terrified

Knowing what I understand now about Internal Family Systems, I can see that parts of me were terrified. If I fully let go and enjoyed my success, they feared the deep well of grief and shame would be exposed — or that I would be attacked for expressing myself so freely.

So I stayed vigilant. I kept those wounded parts buried, believing that was the only way to stay safe.

I also knew from past experience that to express this trauma to just anyone was not a safe option. Thankfully, now, my parts work better together and in harmony. 

When I discovered Internal Family Systems, I recognised its depth and effectiveness. After completing a year-long training and ongoing continuing education, I integrated it into my practice. It aligns seamlessly with EFT and Matrix Reimprinting, allowing us to release emotional charge while also healing the parts that carry it. 

Alongside this, my Grief Recovery work ensures that clients are held in a compassionate, non-judgmental space. Grounded in the belief that we are so much more than what happened to us. This integrated approach creates a powerful path for letting go — releasing what no longer serves, restoring inner freedom, and stepping forward into purpose. 

Why use EFT and IFS together?

IFS by itself can take a long time for our different parts to trust and accept they are safe. They will not ‘let go’ or feel safe easily if they have been holding on for years in the belief that they have to protect either themselves or other parts within.

Because EFT works so effectively in calming the fight, flight, freeze response in our body, it is much easier for parts to feel safe to let go, heal, and change old negative beliefs that are no longer valid or true.

It is also important that the client feels safe with the therapist. It is in feeling safe and respected that change is possible. My clients are always held in a place of being valued, of kindness, and compassion.